A dream is anything that doesn't destroy the dreams of others

Looking up to people has its draw backs. Sometimes, most of the time the people you're looking up to suck shit!
Not many leaders in the world turn out to be who they officially set out to be. Why is that?
What is leadership?
It's not just organizing people, even tho that's how to equate success, it's also about organizing an ideal that gets people driven.
The difficulties individuals who have vision run into is fear of change.

So what what can someone do to become a leader and over come societies general fear of change? Follow their dreams! If you want to change anything, ther'll be resistance! You'll learn to anticipate obstacles if you're serious about pursuing your dreams!

People will look up to you. So stick to the ideal.

to be honest there really is only one ideal, and that's to encourage yourself and all the people around you to follow their dreams.

I was playing farm

I'm a younger brother. It's always been that way! Now my family, the one that consists of my father and brother, has been dying for a long time. I was always the one to keep it alive. I was the younger brother, I acted like a baby and my older brother hated me. Because I was immature? I dunno.

The fact is that I always looked up to my brother to come up with the next super cool thing. He was that source of stuff for me. Anything tech back in the day, my brother loved it! He exposed me to stuff he was interested in. That was good cause he wasn't an idiot. In a lot of ways his profound influence over me was good. But in a lot of ways it's been bad.

My brother ridiculed people. Probably because we were a ridiculed family, if that makes any sense. We had a house in the sub urbs and it was... We were house rich! But poor in general. Immagantish too.

The worst part was that there was no love between my parents.
That was something that neither my brother nor I were mature enough to process.

So, two siblings, unhappy home. I got picked on. My brother was smart. He never let me feel smart. I think that was because I was the fast athletic type. And even tho he was 5  years older then me,  I never made it easy for him to pick on my physically.

So everything was a mind game.

Looking back, it's hard not to call abuse. But I won't. That was something that he liked to do. He always said my parents beat him up.

They beat us both up. It was what it was. It was never really that bad. But that's all perspective. I was the baby bitch brother. I know I knew how to get what I wanted back then.

I'm stuck here, and that's something that sucks. I'm focused on the fact that I need someone to show me the way, to be the mentor. It would be cool if was my older brother! But imagine if it was my dad. I had a really big epiphany about him. Maybe I'll save that one for tomorrow.


I'm resilient, and I'm always looking for new friends now. That's something that it's given me. Growing up with someone who ridiculed and abused you messes with your mind, but a constant source of ridicule bombarding you everyday,  teaches how to build a back bone.

Now I may not have been the brightest tool in the shed,

let's bring it back to where it hurts

There is so many ways to suck! I've been sucking ass lately. I feel like I have the whole world nailed down and now I'm bored. I need to write things down more.

So I'm going to set a goal, something simple.

I'm going to say that I need to post everyday. But everyday I have to pick something about myself that I have to ridicule. Do this and then find a way to empower myself by writing about something that's going well.
I want to cause stress on my weakness's I want to be stronger there. Let's try to break down the walls and smash this ego.

Here we go

I want to say that I have a weak lower abdominal, but I'm weak in lots of places and one of my biggest fears is letting my mom and my little boy down.

I'm looking at my life and thinking about the fact that I've more or less been living off my mom. I pay some bills, but not consistently. I've been making money, but not more and more. I haven't grown even though I have had the room and the potential too.

I feel like I need to expose this weakness in me and this is the way! I'm going to start talking shit about myself and that's ok.

I have lot's of things about myself that I hate and I'm not even a hater! This is Awesome! I think the fact that I'm going to be putting myself out there makes me stronger. I need strength in all these weak areas of my existence. I have this future that I'm going forward into and there are ways to be here in the now to move forward toward where I need to be.

I've been stuck yeah, but to give myself a break one of the reasons that I'm so settled is because I think I'm a caring dad.

So there'll be more to me coming.

Tomorrow I'm suppose to have another post and this should be happening for the next year. The posts should very and I'm going to start a site.

nottheworst.ca